Over the last three nights, I have been asked about how to "deal" with "issues" about someone. The first communication came from one person expressing that there was general dissent amongst a particular group of people about one person in particular, the second was a completely different person who was not part of that group expressing the same problem to me, and then the third was both a group discussion about the person and problem, while finding out yet another person (who isn't in the group nor the second communication) had the same issues also.
I won't quote any specific text here about it, nor will I mention the issues because they are yet to be resolved but I will share with you the advice I have given thus far on the situation.
As a group, the first course of action was to have them communicate together. A group discussion was arranged where they aired their issues in a roundabout way. This involved some aggression and also some general "bitching" and "I want to...[insert act of violence or unpleasant behaviour] them" about the person. Once that was out of the system, it was down to business of what exactly were these "issues" and what to do about it.
I made the suggestion for the following course of action:
i) Every person compile a list of their personal issues against the person.
ii) The lists of issues from the individual is given to a third party (me)
iii) The lists are the compiled together, with re-occurring issues being noted, and separated to be major and minor issues (major issues being something majority have, minor being only one or two people have).
iv) The new list is re-worded diplomatically and not so emotively
v) The new list is re-distributed amongst those with the issues for their review
vi) Another discussion is then called to determine the accuracy of the document and determine the next step
This was agreed to by all, and some of them were able to send me the lists pretty quickly, all but one who has promised to send it tomorrow. From what I was able to see of the lists, there were three common points to be addressed with some minor points. The only thing that is of concern is really that the person who is causing this furore apparently does not listen to anyone and anything that is said to them, so even if I attempt to discuss this with them, they may not listen either.
Of course, while it is not of my primary concern if they do or don't listen, my concern for them is that the person will stand to lose a significant number of peoples acquaintance since they are already on the verge of not being "friends". The issue also has the possibility of ballooning out into some more serious matters also beyond the personal level and into a more official level in regards to a community group executive office bearing position that they are involved in.
For now, it will have to be seen what the group decides once they see the final document. I believe that also having put the issues off their chests by discussing and writing, it has helped them vent some of their anger. Having a third party deal with the issues also help relieve some of the stresses, and provide a slightly newer perspective on the situation. One of them expressed to me that they now didn't feel so strongly about them after writing down their issues, but rather felt more sorry for them now that they realised how much they has aggravated people to the point of alienating them.
I shall update as required
I won't quote any specific text here about it, nor will I mention the issues because they are yet to be resolved but I will share with you the advice I have given thus far on the situation.
As a group, the first course of action was to have them communicate together. A group discussion was arranged where they aired their issues in a roundabout way. This involved some aggression and also some general "bitching" and "I want to...[insert act of violence or unpleasant behaviour] them" about the person. Once that was out of the system, it was down to business of what exactly were these "issues" and what to do about it.
I made the suggestion for the following course of action:
i) Every person compile a list of their personal issues against the person.
ii) The lists of issues from the individual is given to a third party (me)
iii) The lists are the compiled together, with re-occurring issues being noted, and separated to be major and minor issues (major issues being something majority have, minor being only one or two people have).
iv) The new list is re-worded diplomatically and not so emotively
v) The new list is re-distributed amongst those with the issues for their review
vi) Another discussion is then called to determine the accuracy of the document and determine the next step
This was agreed to by all, and some of them were able to send me the lists pretty quickly, all but one who has promised to send it tomorrow. From what I was able to see of the lists, there were three common points to be addressed with some minor points. The only thing that is of concern is really that the person who is causing this furore apparently does not listen to anyone and anything that is said to them, so even if I attempt to discuss this with them, they may not listen either.
Of course, while it is not of my primary concern if they do or don't listen, my concern for them is that the person will stand to lose a significant number of peoples acquaintance since they are already on the verge of not being "friends". The issue also has the possibility of ballooning out into some more serious matters also beyond the personal level and into a more official level in regards to a community group executive office bearing position that they are involved in.
For now, it will have to be seen what the group decides once they see the final document. I believe that also having put the issues off their chests by discussing and writing, it has helped them vent some of their anger. Having a third party deal with the issues also help relieve some of the stresses, and provide a slightly newer perspective on the situation. One of them expressed to me that they now didn't feel so strongly about them after writing down their issues, but rather felt more sorry for them now that they realised how much they has aggravated people to the point of alienating them.
I shall update as required
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